30 for 30!

I’m oh-so excited to finally participate in 30 for 30, care of Kendi, who is one of my favourite bloggers! I was inspired by her previous remixing extravaganza, and almost started one of my own a few months ago – before abandoning my blog like a bad mother. But here we are, with a fresh wardrobe and season, ready to roll! I’ll be starting on July 10th, which is in 4 days, and I plan to list my thirty items here sometime before then. I’ve been accumulating clothing like crazy since starting work at the thrift store, and I’m looking forward to appreciating what I’ve got in my closet already.

You can find the list of inspiring participants here! Wish us luck!

Style: latest purchase.

Photo: About A Girl

I’ve barely bought anything brand new since starting my new job – the perks of working in a thrift store are amazing! However, I did fall for this knitted baby when I was shopping at Sooki boutique this week. I’m a sucker for knitted dresses in general, as they’re so easy to wear, but I love the grey tones and back cut-out particularly. I’ll definitely be making a trip back to Sooki sometime in the future, as I didn’t realise they were stocking Staple, a brand that I’ve been lusting over in magazines for a while now. The line is beautiful, simple and unique – what’s not to like?!

Most of my other recent purchases have been house-related, as we’ve decided to rent our unit for another year, and I really want to spruce it up a bit. I’ll try to share some photos soon! I should be able to dedicate more time to the blog also, as I’ve decided to make some changes to other areas of my life – details to come, when I’ve decided exactly what my plans are!

Life: too happy to blog!

Sorry for the lack of posts – more to come soon, I promise.

I truly can’t remember the last time I was so happy. Lots to share.

Wearing: thrifted jacket and boots, Lee jeans, vintage Oroton bag, Sportsgirl gloves and cowl.

Style: simply chic.

Photo: The Sartorialist

It’s refreshing to see this photo featured on The Sartorialist – this girl looks incredibly chic, wearing Converse and a simple black sweater dress. This is my kind of comfort style – we can’t all wear designer threads and towering heels on a daily basis, and this is just as stylish in my eyes.

Style: Jane x Chip Chop!

How amazing is the XXXXXL Tote, a ‘baglaboration’ between creative agency Jane and Australian fashion label Chip Chop!?? Measuring 1.25m x 1.55m, it’s definitely the largest bag I’ve ever seen – and I’m a sucker for a good tote!

“Planning a big day of shopping? Need a bag to store all your other totes in? Looking for some original wall art? Carrying a lot of emotional baggage? Got a friend coming over and need a spare bed? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then chances are this unfeasibly large bag is for you.”

I think it would make the most amazing wall feature…but at $495, I might just have to dream!

Home: Smeg.

I’ve never pictured our future home without a retro-inspired Smeg refrigerator sitting in the kitchen, and I’m loving the range of colours out at the moment! Pastels are my latest obsession for decor – I think there is a friendliness, and a homeliness that can’t be found in darks or brights (these pictures show this perfectly, I especially love the chairs!). I know that we technically do have a home, but I long for the day when I own my walls and my roof, when I can plant herbs in the ground and have enough time and money to create a place to reflect our personalities and love.

Anyway, I think the stripes are definitely my favourite (and the mint is a close second!).

What do you picture in your dream home?

Life: how cancer changed me.

My view on life has changed a lot in the past year, for a number of different reasons. I’ve experienced a new kind of pain – a pain that stems from your feelings for someone else, rather than from within. I’ve come to realize that in the past, my knowledge and experience of pain has been limited. I’m used to the superficial pain of embarrassment, heartbreak, disappointment. The pain of stepping on the raised edge of lego (I’m positive this is the greatest physical pain in the world!), or cutting your hand. These things don’t prepare you for the pain of possibility.

When I was much younger, my brothers and I were very close. We wrestled like normal kids; we had sleepovers on each other’s floor. By the time I was 12, things began to change. Girls were suddenly annoying and gross, and they formed a boys club where I was subconsciously unwelcome. Because of this, I began to develop a brand new outlook on sisterhood. I no longer saw them as my friends, but as the two people that I would always take care of, no matter what. I learned to admire their individual personalities. I filled my heart and my head with the notion of protectiveness, and would lie awake at night thinking of ways to save them both if there was a fire in the house. Which would be the better way to escape? Who’s bedroom should I race into first? What implements can I use to break a window? My overly selfish mind made room for other people at last, and it remains that way. My brothers taught me to be selfless, without even knowing they made a difference.

On December 12, 2008, my heart broke for the first time. My youngest brother, Michael, was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, and proceeded to receive treatment up until 1-2 months ago. It’s a strange feeling, that pain. My sisterly pride and love forms a knot in my stomach when I think about it. It’s the type of pain where people say it feels like something heavy is sitting on your chest, and it becomes hard to breathe. The heaviness grows every time you smell the hospital; every time a caring friend asks, “How’s Michael going?”. It’s the pain of trying not to cry, twenty four / seven.

I used to come home from spending a day with my family, and break down from all the pressure of pretending to be fine and happy. I would heave and cry and try to dispense that knot in my stomach. I was hysterical. My partner used to tell me, “crying doesn’t change anything”. One day, I listened to her. I stopped expecting the worst, and I learnt the power of positive thinking.

Positive thinking is a loose term, really. From that moment, I applied my “positive thinking” to every aspect of my life, like a protective shield over the negative things in my mind. There are some things that just can’t be ignored, but I’ve come to replace them with a thin kind of happiness in order to get by. Excuses, really. I’ve got huge debts – well, money isn’t everything in life. I’m behind on my studying – I’ll find some excuse to tell my tutor, they’ve always believed me before. I don’t need any new clothes – but it makes me feel good, and what’s one more little thing? I’ll definitely start saving from now on.

I hate this about myself. I thrive on order, but my whole world fell apart and I ignored it. The pain of possibility lies in fear. I didn’t think about the possibility that my financial troubles could effect my future, or the possibility that I might fail university, or the possibility that our travel plans might not happen. And I didn’t face the fact that Michael might have died – in fact, I’ve never put his name in a sentence with that word before now. My family never accepted the possibility of death, but what if he hadn’t survived? If we couldn’t handle the pain of possibility, I’m sure we couldn’t have coped with the reality.

Cancer has taught me to face the possibilities, to make a change before it’s too late. And it’s also taught me not to believe it when people tell you not to think negatively. You’re allowed to have dark times. You’ve allowed to cry, and to think the worst. If you don’t, you might just end up suffocating.